Contradiction only begins to describe my expression when i talk about it..a nostalgic smile for the most beautiful thing i ever experienced and the wetness in the eyes...the reason of which is even beyond me...it might be because i have never known worse pain or can a part of me still not believe its over?
I remember him..may be a little too clearly for my own comfort..i remember everything..
the first series of random words ..the irritable chatter..the laugh..the hypnotism..the first time i blushed.(or the first time i knew i did)...!
one thing led to another and we got into a relationship..effortless..hypnotic...divine..beautiful..simple and touching..
it just happened..that's wot i still want to believe..it just happens..no tricks of the trade..no plans..no pick up lines..no lust..no ego..no hassles..perfect..meant to be..
and then after 2 years ..one mistake.(.im sure I'd made that one before..till then i hadn't learnt how to learn from my mistakes...still haven't) and we weren't "We" anymore..
Now for the first time i knew how a heartbreak felt..how much it mattered..how much i got used to it..how nothing seemed to matter for a long time to come..18 months to be exact just passed without feeling anything except pain..longing..suffering..yes it felt like a big deal then..still does..at the age of 18 i was clinically depressed..and yes the narcissist that i am i have to tell you guys that i am not all that big a "loser"...i cleared my law entrance during that time..and the first step towards the new beginning was taken.
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