Saturday, July 26, 2008

aha..!so my mind's doin it again..

o yea i did it...i did push u away...know things wouldn't be the same but i did warn u...honesty lol thats my policy and u did get the point of me wanting to drive u away....
so why dint u stop me?
why couldnt u stop me?
why would u not want to stop me ??or is it wot u also wanted in d first place?
its not ego..oh wot a misunderstanding..wot a shame to let something so potentially beautiful jus go away lik this .....o was this also meant to be one of those brief stints?
o why?why would you not know wot i meant and how i felt or how i jus wanted to feel
was easy for u to say that i like being hurt...not sayin i dont or may be i do want to get hurt coz i know now that its foolish to expect such joy n pleasure without expectin or feelin pain
so why wait?
inflict it upon urself and then move on to feel the happy things coz those are things u pay for..i jus choose to pay first
am i takin too much in my hands?? would pain come back and haunt me even though i did pay first??
is it jus a childs nightmare or do all good things actually begin and end in pain?
tryin to stay at d fulcrum and not swing back and forth..avoidin d highs and lows coz both i cant stand..or may be the attraction to extremes makes me create my own..there are highs and lows which are created by time and some of them are created by self?? coz i do like extremes or are my self created ups and downs my way of getting myself acquainted wih the highs and lows that time will bring..
balance if only that was my thing then the mind wouldnt always debate..
or was tryin to attain d balance the only mistake coz change doesnt happen when we want it..even the time of change is decided by certain other things..well how it seems easier to affect others life more than our own..o wot an irony..wot a life..reminds me of these lines
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts"

so be it.... but wots the harm in tryin to change..changin not necessarily for d good or bad..may be for more bad than good..o god is it jus that rebellious instinct takin over me again..where when alls good..i wanna create chaos and bring about change jus for the sake of change...talk about mind playin truant..ah..!..so be it..!!

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