its my turn now

the first time i write as i think ...may be coz i am finally tired of talking..
where has it got me..all the talkin..i am either right or wrong..good or bad..or may be i am not..i am not a choice..
i am human..hello people..u can see that right?
may be i am not wise enough or not "matured" enough to realize that things happen and will continue to happen even when i do my best and put my best foot forward ..people come and they go..
its been two and a half yrs in pune and all's been well...sometimes when things are good we just dont think about thanking god and we dont..but bad times make us do that and they also in a very unnatural way make us do things we always wanted to do but never got the time to do or we get back to doing things alone coz thats the way to be...i have come to believe in it now more than ever..men are born alone and they die alone..and the intermediate phase is just lived or spent staying alive..or trying to stay alive..
im not pessimistic if thats wot u think..not depressed..not right now anyway..happy but driftin..it does feel different to be just a choice..a flipside of a coin..a mere side of a coin..people think that the person who flips the coin is having his destiny decided by the coin but its quite the other way round..atleast he flipped the coin..atleast his actions will be his own..and what about the coin..oh no sorry just a side of the coin..nope am still not sad..glad the person is not using a dice..

yes it ended there the first time i wrote it but now i edit..and there are additions..
so..also..u know its a lil retarded to let yourself be in a position of one side of the coin after knowing that you are "it"..the tiny coin's second side..yes second means tails..dont we all prefer heads..and being the part of it only by accident than by choice by a complicated mesh of intermingled fates wanting to break loose..how much worse does it get..??ding dong..but there's never lack of choice..what the hell happned to "free will"..omg i forgot..by fate "i" was being used..so be it..prices u pay..big or small yet a price to pay for the beautiful flowery imagethat u carry in ur head..the world is too calculative to let u be in sweet surrender and plan things in ur bful head..and before u know..voila..here u are..being the victim to the fancy ways that the universe devised to shatter inncocent dreams and hopes that have no right to live..anywhere except the head..the more beautiful the dreams..and the more innocent..the more venomous the worlds will be against them bcoz of their jealousy towards the beauty of it coz somethings in life are not nefarious..not ugly and not cruel..not in d head atleast..but it was the fools paradise you were livin in when u let them out in d open to be dreanched in d muddy waters where there are many a scorpions waitin rather pryin to poison them..kill them if they can..men waitin to spit and walk over dreams of others coz their own never got fulfilled.

may be its not..may be its not wot it all means..but how it seems..even lord ravana made mistakes..hitler did..im just an ordinary human being..who talks.. who thinks and worst of all who feels...sour loser so to say..who cares?really?at the end of the day wen it comes down to it..its only when scores are even and day turns into a long moonless night that the time moves on..